Going to therapy and talking to a total stranger about very personal things in your life? You deserve a medal for that. Even more so if you go in seeking assistance for a couple issue, because that’s even more difficult. I’ve had clients tell me that they worry their therapist will side completely with their mate, telling them they are all wrong.
If that happens, find another therapist.
Anyone with training and skill in this area knows that relationships are very difficult and no one person is 100% right. No, not even you. You need to be at least moderately comfortable with your therapist (not a comfortable situation) and not believe the therapist is on anyone’s side. This wouldn’t be helpful, at all. Therapists need to help you learn to listen to your mate–and help your mate listen to you. No matter what “language” you love in, no matter how long you’ve been together and no matter how many of your(or his) relatives tell you it’s all one person’s fault.
It’s not and you know that.
When one or both of you cheats, the cheater makes that decision–no matter how rough things have been. This doesn’t mean the cheated one has no power or input, though. You may be through with a marriage, cheating or not, or you may really believe the two of you can work things out.
One way or the other, you deserve a therapist who fits you. One you feel understands your situation and can help you make it better.
That being said, a therapist cannot make anyone do anything. Can’t make you stay or go. Can’t make your kid behave. We also can’t make you okay with doing what you think you should do, but don’t want to do. Therapists can help you see things differently and can help you realize you do have options.
You deserve a therapist you can be somewhat comfortable with. If that’s not me–or someone in my office–know you have the right to keep looking. This is a difficult process. You need to be okay with your guide.