YOU GET TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF

Let’s just start off by saying there are usually many right ways to accomplish whatever, but many individuals still insist they’re right about pretty much everything.

Admittedly, being right feels good. We’re like kids in the classroom, eagerly raising our hands when we know the answer. We love winning–being right!–so  much that many of us are tempted to cheat to get there.

There are unfortunately lots of times in life when we don’t know the answer. The more experience you have, the more chance that you’ll run into situations that don’t even have a right answer, but many of us deal with this uncertainty by sticking to our answers–our solutions to most everything. No where is this more evident that politics and parenting. If we’re not very aware, we can end up trying to shove our perspective down others throats.

This never gets us what we want. Ever. But it’s hard to resist.

The biggest area in which we insist we have the answers is in parenting, particularly parenting teens or young adults. Let’s be honest, the young often have limited views of life and, yes, they screw up. You’ve been through various situations in your life and life has taught you a thing or two. Sometimes harshly.

So when a younger person that you love is heading in what you fear is the wrong direction, you can insist that your way/your perspective/your answers are the right ones.

Just let me ask, when your parents tried to tell you as a young adult what you needed to do, did you appreciate it? Did you listen or shut them out? And when you’re in a dilemma now and your friends insist on telling you what to do, don’t you tend to ignore them?

We human beings have a strong need to create our own fates. We don’t want others telling us what to do, no matter how invested they are. As a therapist, I occasionally see clients who want me to give them the answers–tell them what to do. I resist this kind of question because I respect your right to decide on your own answers. No one should tell you what you should do. The irony of this is that clients do what they want, no matter what their therapist or parents or friends say they should do.

This is how it should be.

When young adults–or older adults!–are floundering, it would be a relief(we think) to have someone hand us answers, but it doesn’t work this way. We all deserve to make our own choices and find out the realities of life for ourselves.

We deserve to screw up and fail our way toward the best path for us.