This is never a good idea. It’s usually said to crow about the speaker being right while the other person is wrong. And maybe she is wrong, but by saying you knew better all along, you only trigger defensiveness in the other person and–worse–you become a distraction. Whether this involves a friend, a partner or a […]
This is graduation and wedding season. This is a good time to address an important subject. There’s something going on that we ought to talk about. Many members of our society have embraced an “achievement obsession” mentality. Those who haven’t devoted their lives to achieving have often fallen into the “loser” category, some giving up and giving in. […]
I have noticed for a while that some very successful, highly-accomplished individuals aren’t satisfied with all they’ve achieved. Doctors, lawyers, folks with Ph.D.s and people who’ve made a lot of money often seem ancy to achieve more. This is interesting to me, particularly since I often see individuals of this bent on the other end […]
As an emotionally-oriented person myself, I’d be the last to say emotions aren’t an important part of life. They give color to our world, even if the down moments do suck. There are many highly-logical people who are prone to depression. Everything is gray. Feelings change and can seem unstable, but they are important to us. […]
Recently, the number of individuals seeking help for anxiety has risen. Some professionals advocate a combination of drug therapy–some say necessary for a life time–and psychotherapy. I have a problem with anything being “for a life time.” Anxiety medications also have a limited effect for many. There are some major psychiatric disorders for which we’ve […]
Going to therapy and talking to a total stranger about very personal things in your life? You deserve a medal for that. Even more so if you go in seeking assistance for a couple issue, because that’s even more difficult. I’ve had clients tell me that they worry their therapist will side completely with their […]
A startling number of us struggle with a deep conviction that we aren’t good people. Clients in my office–not all there for self esteem issues–insist that they’ve done (or are doing) very bad things. Things that make them bad people. Let me be clear–we aren’t talking about clients who kill other people or animals. Or […]
We all know individuals who make glib excuses for even big transgressions, but most of us harbor big shame over some thing. This may be connected to an offense we suffered as a child (no kid is responsible for the behavior of others–I don’t care what you did) or we feel shamed by things we’ve […]
Startling thought, I know. Some people struggle their whole lives with this emotional challenge and I am in no way criticizing them. I do want to offer an alternative to the belief that this is a “brain chemistry” problem you must just accept and that requires life-long medication. When you suffer from anxiety, you just […]
This is a huge issue for many. It’s nice to have alone time. Some individuals who have busy, demanding lives with lots of people tugging at them, actually crave time alone. Most of us, however, don’t want to live our lives without a significant other. It is not at all uncommon for clients–in bad, unhappy […]