This is never a good idea. It’s usually said to crow about the speaker being right while the other person is wrong. And maybe she is wrong, but by saying you knew better all along, you only trigger defensiveness in the other person and–worse–you become a distraction. Whether this involves a friend, a partner or a […]
When I point out to clients–who feel responsible for their children, mates, siblings and parents–that they are only responsible for doing their part in relationships, they initially think I’m trying to give them a pass. Nope. Doing your part means handling your own stuff, confronting your own delusions and changing your behavior. This is hard […]
In a troubled relationship, this is the reason most frequently given for not getting a divorce/separating. It is also one of the worst reasons. Don’t get me wrong, loving your kids and always considering how your choices will effect them is a big part of parenting. But don’t let yourself believe that your children aren’t impacted […]
Parenting is a challenging, at times thankless job, but you’re not there to make life easier for your kids. Your job as a parent is to love them and prepare them to fly on their own. Love is a tricky concept, meaning different things to different people, but the big definition is that loving means […]
Tell me, did you know at twelve or fourteen what you wanted to do for your life career? Kids are now asked this routinely in middle schools because the administration wants to direct them into the “right track.” Those who say they want to be mechanics or heating and air conditioning technicians are put in […]
The really great news is that no one is more important to your kids than you. I know it doesn’t always seem this way, particularly if you have teens. Your kids care a lot more what you think that they let you know. Just ask the adult children around you who are still trying to impress […]
Of all the behaviors parents tell me they’re annoyed by, I’m most confused by the “backtalk” complaint. I think this generally refers to kids smarting off and giving parents a hard time, often over simple requests. I get that. This behavior is very annoying to deal with, but I think we need to find a better way to […]
I am the last parent to tell you to let your kids fly on their on…. Really. I have daughters in medical residency and in internship to complete a Ph.D. in psychology. Their father and I have moved them a total of 20 times since high school–I recently counted. I know what is it to […]
Whether with close friends, relatives or mates, the challenge in relationships is finding the line. Being over-involved and intrusive is never our intent, but we want to be loving and supportive. The problem is that the line separating these two can be difficult to see. I am constantly amazed by how completely righteous individuals feel […]
Refreshing, isn’t it? Not being blamed for every problem your child has? Let me point out that your intentions are good most of the time (who doesn’t occasionally want to strike out before walking away?) Being a parent is a huge job. Really, really huge and since none of us here on this earth are perfect, […]