This is never a good idea. It’s usually said to crow about the speaker being right while the other person is wrong. And maybe she is wrong, but by saying you knew better all along, you only trigger defensiveness in the other person and–worse–you become a distraction. Whether this involves a friend, a partner or a […]
When I point out to clients–who feel responsible for their children, mates, siblings and parents–that they are only responsible for doing their part in relationships, they initially think I’m trying to give them a pass. Nope. Doing your part means handling your own stuff, confronting your own delusions and changing your behavior. This is hard […]
More bad things happen in relationships when couples are drinking. This is not at all to say that everyone who enjoys an alcoholic beverage has a drinking problem. When issues in relationships–and all relationships sometimes have issues–are not dealt with openly and effectively, they tend to rear up ugly heads when alcohol is consumed. Part […]
For many people, competition is fun. We join table tennis and card game groups and love to root for the home team. In relationships, however, winning takes on a new meaning. I’ve often heard individuals say with confidence–and no irony–that they always win in relationship conflicts. This is a little disturbing because if one individual is […]
This reality is a source of power in our relationships. It’s what makes us both crave and hate relationships. If you’ve ever done any kind of partner dancing–ballroom, western or just shuffling together to music–you already know how relationships work. When your partner or you moves, the other person is affected. Unavoidably. Sometimes this is a great affect; sometimes not. Relationships […]
Whether with close friends, relatives or mates, the challenge in relationships is finding the line. Being over-involved and intrusive is never our intent, but we want to be loving and supportive. The problem is that the line separating these two can be difficult to see. I am constantly amazed by how completely righteous individuals feel […]
How many times have you fought about stuff with your mate end up solving nothing? Too often is usually the answer. Conflicts don’t get actually settled, you just move on. You get tired of arguing, you have to deal with life—kids, jobs, bills. So, you gradually fall back into being alongside one another. You kiss […]
This is a huge issue for many. It’s nice to have alone time. Some individuals who have busy, demanding lives with lots of people tugging at them, actually crave time alone. Most of us, however, don’t want to live our lives without a significant other. It is not at all uncommon for clients–in bad, unhappy […]
I’m all for sensitivity and concern about your sexual partner having a really good time, but you can’t truly be fulfilled and engaged in the activity if you’re not focusing on what you feel. Sex feels good–when done correctly–but it requires you to lose yourself in your own sensation. What you feel when you touch the other person…what you […]
The short answer to this is yes, if one partner mentions it. Even if going to counseling comes up in the middle of a fight, even if you make up and everything seems okay afterwards, you probably need counseling. You know how they say that high blood pressure is a “silent killer”? Well, unresolved conflict […]