I’m all for sensitivity and concern about your sexual partner having a really good time, but you can’t truly be fulfilled and engaged in the activity if you’re not focusing on what you feel. Sex feels good–when done correctly–but it requires you to lose yourself in your own sensation. What you feel when you touch the other person…what you feel when he or she is touching you. At the same time, you want your partner to have a great time, too. Sex is one of the most interconnected, inner-connected experiences we humans have.
It’s terrifically exciting when your partner is hot for you; that’s actually one of the biggest turn-ons. I’m not suggesting you just get your jollys without caring about your partner. I’m saying you’re going to be a more enthusiastic and arousing lover if you tune into your own excitement–i.e. you really like how you feel when you touch her or him.
Good sex can tighten the bonds of emotional intimacy, but when you attempt to produce an experience in your partner, you can lose your own experience.