LIVE LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHING

Our behavior is often influenced by our belief that others are watching, criticising and judging us. This anxiety often constricts and narrows our perspective. We don’t get to the simple choice of “what do I want to do here” because we worry about how we’re viewed by others.

Don’t get me wrong–others’ matter a whole bunch. We need, however, to get in touch with our own inner voice and we need to worry less about what someone else may think.

This self-consciousness is based on an inaccurate belief–others really aren’t watching as much as you think. Most often, the people around us are engaged in worrying about themselves and their lives. Whether they are consumed with thoughts about their relationships, their kids or their jobs, other people are almost always not looking at you.

In the last decade or so, the number of people seeking therapy due to anxiety-related symptoms has increased. This may be due to our growing sense that hostile others can invade(or take) our lives or we might have money and/or job concerns. Regardless, a lot of us are worried.

We lose sight of the fact that we are competent individuals, capable of many amazing things, of bravery and acts of great kindness.

Yes, you. You have these capacities. You’re probably very aware of your failures and you flaws. You can list the situations you’ve screwed up. These moments are vivid in your mind. If I ask, however, for a list of your successes–of the challenges you’ve overcome–you’ll probably struggle to acknowledge these.

There are people in this world who hurt others–the Newtown, Connecticutt massacre, for instance. Times that humans act harshly toward other humans, often the innocent, but although these catch our attention and appall us, the percentage of individuals doing these heinous acts is small.

Most of us are actually pretty decent.

Some people tell me they’ve had no successes. I disagree. From the greatest–forgiving those who’ve hurt you or diving into complex, challenging situations–to the smallest–just showing up to my office–you’re making successful choices all the time. You need to give yourself more credit. You’ve earned it.

Most people want to disagree with this, listing their failings. Yes, we do all fail. Sometimes spectacularly. This doesn’t mean we’re worthless, though. We humans learn through failure. Don’t beat yourself up over how you’ve messed up, learn from it.

There are moments when–if we thought no one was watching–we’d do bad things, but we also have, in our most pure moments, times of great bravery and selflessness. We lift burning cars off the injured, we rush to save those being threatened. We may not all have these big moments of bravery, but we reach out to others who are hurting.

We do hard and scary things.

So, be silly and goofy sometimes. Be brave. Be yourself, the person you want to be.

Believe in yourself and in your capacity to negotiate this world, even when things are tough.