Much has been written about bridezillas and the “its-all-about-me” attitude that some women have when it comes to planning a wedding. Let’s be honest, though, most of us like being special, feeling the focus of those around us. For some reason, guys don’t have the wedding fantasy. They’ve grown up with fantasies of throwing the perfect touchdown in the big game or being the hero that saves the day.
Some women speak of having dreamed of their perfect wedding ever since they were girls. Everything from the wedding showers with loads of gifts to the beautiful dress are part of the fantasies, but this life event–joining your life with someone else–is about way more than the wedding. Planning a big wedding is usually exhausting and family issues often come into play. Beyond the drama trauma of all this, you have to decide how to be married. How to be a couple.
Unless you married straight out of school, you’ve created an independent life of your own and you probably haven’t had to “report” to anyone. For some individuals, being a couple feels like it requires this because you’re not just you anymore. What you do and don’t do, where you go and who you go with and how you do or don’t spend your money all effects your mate. When you’re part of a couple, you have to consider more than just your preference.
Getting comfortable with this–heck, knowing how to do it!–is a learning process way beyond picking out a china pattern.
Lots of people enjoy watching House Hunters on T.V. Sure, looking at the various houses is interesting, but you can also see the challenges of melding two lives into one. In truth, learning the mindset of really being married takes a while and some couples never get there. The conflicts cluster around decision-making. When you’re a committed couple–whether legally married or not–you have to find a way to make decisions jointly.
These are the moments you’ll really feel married. It has nothing to do with the kind of flower arrangements you decide to have at the church or what cummerbund the groomsmen wear. You’ll have a thousand moments to work together–big and little–and you’ll find that both of these stir emotions in you.
I never felt more married than when I signed my (married) name a hundred times at the closing on the first house we bought. Joint efforts like buying a house and having kids(or not) will help you become the couple you’ve chosen to be. You have a zillion personal moments–how you handle your education or your job–and you’ll have that many moments to become a couple. You get to decide how you handle your family-of-origin; you and your mate will decide if you have a family together(through adoption or gestation).
Becoming a couple is a process and it can encourage you to be a better version of yourself–or not. Only you can make these decisions and this is right in that you’ll be the one experiencing the consequences of these, good or bad.