Expressing distress is both normal and functional, but lots of people are feeling guilty about this now. I’m not suggesting you complain your life away or that you shouldn’t change the things you need to change, but don’t give yourself grief because you have unhappy moments. Some things are bad, you don’t need to say that your problem is not as bad as life in Japan right now. That’s a given, but being worried about problems or being stressed about a decision is part of life. Quit feeling bad about feeling bad.
Whether you’re depressed (and don’t have any reason to be) or concerned about a relationship issue or having difficulty communicating with your mother–all these feelings are valid. Just because there are others in this world with bigger, badder problems doesn’t diminish yours. You have a right to be upset about that which affects you. Your personal world.
You may tell yourself to get over it or to move on, but this doesn’t make your concerns go away. Yes, having a perspective on what’s good in your life is important. It’s also best for your mental and physical health if you recognize your blessings. But this recognition doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be 100% worry-free all the time.
The best we can do is to strive for a balanced view. Driving a car that doesn’t break down all the time is a constant pleasure and relief to me–as a teen, I pushed my car more than drove it. I had nightmares about being stranded, it happened so often. I feel blessed that I’m able to drive a safe, fun car.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have worries.
When matters get to the place that you have to hurry to mention that your life is really okay, you have to wonder if your guilt over having worries is appropriate. Life is a challenging, rewarding thing. You have wonderful moments (we hope) and difficult ones.
Celebrate the good ones, but don’t apologize for the struggles. Some things just suck. Losing loved ones to death, divorce or distance. Watching those you love struggle (i.e. parenting) or losing things or opportunities you value is hard. In order to really be clear and to rejoice in the pleasures, you need to give yourself permission to hate the stuff that gets in the way.
This hate when purely experienced, doesn’t take over your life. You just feel the feelings. It is an interesting phenomena that when we refuse to feel an emotion, it tends to cling…to hang around even longer.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Go a day brooding about this. Be grouchy. Most of the time you’ll find the feeling then drifts off like a cloud. If your depression, sadness or worry doesn’t lift, you might need to consider talking to someone. This could be a friend or professional.
Some worries don’t lift because a decision needs to be made or an action taken–usually an unpleasant action or a decision you don’t want to make. We all face these and they generally suck.
Complaining is okay. It’s a natural part of life as long as you don’t let yourself get consumed and forget the good stuff in your world.