Get a Clear Picture of The Life You Want
This is important. If you see yourself and a large family living in the mountains, you don’t need to get with a guy who doesn’t want kids or who can’t imagine living outside the city. If you dream of traveling to far off lands, don’t get with a guy who thinks home is the only place a sane person would stay.
Know the life you’re envisioning and remember this when it comes to picking a mate.
Is being married important to you? Then, don’t spend years going out with someone who doesn’t ever want to get married or who says vaguely that if it happens, it happens. If you don’t see yourself having children, you’d best steer clear of guys with kids or those who want their wives/significant others to stay home with their progeny. The same thing goes for jobs. If you are invested in a career that demands a lot of you, then you need a mate who’s supportive of what you’re doing.
Dating may seem like it should be casual and natural, but chances are you’ll have to make some decisions. Better to do that before you lose your heart to a man who doesn’t share your values.
Know Your Own Values
Different beliefs about money are the number one conflict area that couples split up over. If you’re a saver vs. spender, you need to know this. If earning a million before you’re thirty is a big goal, that factors into your relationships. Having similar feelings about the importance of your income won’t guarantee your relationships, but having very different feelings about money is guaranteed to challenge relationships. You might see things differently when it comes to finances, but you’ve got to respect the importance of one another’s money value.
Feelings about fidelity run deep. If you’re a dyed-in-the-wool monogamist, but your partner thinks cheating is “natural”, the two of you have big trouble ahead. Cheating is too often a reality in relationships and runs a close second to conflicts over money. Infidelity is usually a reflection of unresolved issues in the relationship, but you need to know how you feel about a committed mate stepping out on a partner.
Some couples long to have their mates go to church with them. If this is a major value for you, don’t date someone who views organized religion as a “opiate of the masses.” It may not seem sexy to ask a guy on your first date if he goes to church, but you ought to wedge this discussion into the conversation before you unzip your dress and get naked with him. In order to make this a priority, you need to get a grip of your own feelings about religion.
The “Curl Your Toes” Factor
You may have decided not to let your passions rule your romantic decisions and I applaud you for this, but you need to consider the importance of sex appeal to a relationship. Dating someone based on whether or not you want to rip his clothes off probably isn’t a good idea, but you have to be interested in how he looks when he’s naked. If you completely disregard this, you run the risk of having a passionless relationship and that’s just sad. It is possible to have both stability and hot-cha–cha.
Okay, Get Set, Interview!
It so doesn’t seem sexy, but dating is a lot like looking for a job. Both you and he have certain stuff you need in a mate–just be honest about it. You may meet some great, interesting guys, but just not see a future with them. Do your best not to fall in love with the idea of falling in love. The guy in question might be lonely, too, but he wants you to want him, not just settle. He also doesn’t want you taking up time on his dance card, if you just don’t want to be alone and you’re biding your time until a more likely candidate comes along.
Ask the important questions. Maybe not on the very first date–don’t want to be checking off a list–but soon. Certainly before you start wrinkling his sheets or picking out china patterns.
Dating can be tiring and exhausting. It can also be okay. Remember the old adage that you “…have to kiss a lot of frogs…”? Well, the frog wants to make sure you’re a good bet, too.
Go out, have a good time and interview each other.