Understanding life is only less difficult than understanding yourself and the people who are important to you. Always ask why–Why you’ve taken a specific action or why your friend said a certain thing. Why is an important question to develop understanding.
Make sure, though, that you’re really questioning, not accusing. This is important when you’re trying to understand others and when you’re looking at yourself.
When you have relationship issues or problems with a colleague at work, take a good look at your actions and make a determined effort to understand yourself first. Knowing why you act a certain way can be difficult, but this is important if you have any chance of changing your part in difficult situations. You need to see your part, if only to see how you can avoid getting into these situations, in the first place.
Examining your own behavior is imporant. Take a good look at the reasons behind your choices and do this without self-recrimination. You’ll block your understanding if you’re busy blaming yourself or telling yourself harsh, judgmental things. Look at your struggles, as well as, your strengths. Personal growth can only be experienced when you see the parts you need to grow.
It’s also vital to understand the people around you. This can be even more difficult, particularly if you believe everyone reacts and feels as you do. Let me break it to you–they don’t. We have a jumbled up world of all different kinds of people with different backgrounds, different needs and different desires. You need to see situations from the other person’s point-of-view. This will help you make better assessments of interactions and relationships.
Always ask why. And ask it without judgment or blame. Ask why from a desire to understand. You may not always get a favorable response, but more often than not, asking for understanding will benefit your relationships and your life in general.
The hardest part about asking why is really listening to the answer. When you get a response, you may have the urge to correct the other person’s statement, assumptions or accusations about you. You’ll probably shoot back a reaction immediately, because when individuals are upset, they react quickly, interrupting or challenging the other person’s statement. All this is understandable, but it won’t get you where you want to go.
Listen with your mouth closed. Really, really listen.
You’ll hear things with which you don’t agree. You’ll want to refute stuff as if you were in a courtroom, defending yourself. Don’t. Focus on listening to what the other person says as her point of view. This isn’t absolute reality. It’s a perspective. We all have viewpoints. You want to hear hers. You want to listen to how she sees things.
Resist the urge to straighten her out. It won’t help and it won’t make you feel better over the long run.
Ask why. Ask yourself why you feel as you do. Ask yourself why you do the things you do. Always seek to understand. Seeking to understand yourself will give you tremendous gifts. If you understand, you can be more in charge of your own behavior and your life.