Never say “if it’s this hard, it probably wasn’t meant to be” about your relationship. Don’t kid yourself. Relationships are hard. In fact, they’re probably one of the hardest things you’ll do in your life. Of course, relationships can be rewarding, fulfilling and a lot of fun, too. But they’re not always easy. If it seems like yours is easy, just wait.
Okay, so the arguing sucks.
You fight and it’s ugly. Maybe you’ve been fighting more and more. It may seem like you just get over one fight and your partner picks another fight. Maybe you’re breaking up, and even if you really don’t want to—you don’t want to do this anymore.
There are some things (that most people do) that you shouldn’t do. Don’t threaten to leave. Threatening is pointless. Maybe you’re just trying to show her how mad you really are. Maybe you’re seriously pissed, at the moment. Maybe you’re just tired. Saying you’re going to leave may seem like pulling out the big guns—just another war strategy.
Don’t do it. Don’t threaten to leave until you’re really ready to leave. Leaving should be reserved for when you’re done with the relationship. Finito. Through. Outta here.
Be done or don’t say it.
Don’t leave until you’re really through with the relationship, either. Don’t do that back-and-forth, on-again, off-again thing. It’s draining and exhausting and it doesn’t make anything better.
But even if you don’t, your partner may leave. If you’re faced with a separation you don’t want, be careful. How you handle this can either make or break any hopes you have for getting back together. There are specific things to do, though. First, go to therapy and listen. This may be hard. Talking to a stranger about your personal life is weird. Do it anyway.
Go by yourself, if your significant other isn’t interested. This is important. Go by yourself. When you’ve got a relationship break-up, it’s clichéd to offer to go to therapy. Kind of seems phony and desperate. She may think you just want to do this because she’s really, really mad. She thinks you’re just saying you’ll go with her to therapy because she’s talking about ending it. She doesn’t think you’re serious about changing things. If you want to really show that you’re open to see what you can do differently, go by yourself.
Don’t stalk and pester your partner. Believe me, this isn’t sexy and it doesn’t put things back together. This only makes your mate think you’ve lost your mind and maybe she should take out a restraining order. You may be thinking about her all the time. You want her to know, but don’t call her a million times a day. It’ll only make things worse.
Don’t dismiss her concerns and complaints. Don’t argue that you haven’t done whatever she’s saying you did or you haven’t done it that much. If she didn’t have an issue with whatever she’s concerned about, it wouldn’t be under discussion.
Above all, listen. Really listen. If you have a hard time with this, get your therapist to explain what your partner’s saying.
Don’t kid yourself. Relationships are hard work…and they can be worth all the effort. This can really be good for you. You can learn to make your life better.