Everybody thinks and everybody feels, but some make their decisions more from their heads and some more from their hearts. It is important to note that both these perspectives have value. Admittedly, both also have limitations.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is an instrument which reflects individuals’ preferences on four different continuums. One of these four is Thinking-Feeling, and as a continuum, it is important to recognize that this isn’t an either/or situation.
The rational individual tends more toward a cognitive assessment of situations and relationships, disregarding somewhat the emotional level. In fact, Thinking Types have generally focused so much of their energy in life on cognition that they aren’t always aware of their emotions. This logical approach can be vital if calibrating machinery, but not so great when trying to work out relationship issues. The more emotional person, however, is almost always able to report what he or she is feeling at a given moment. Usually, Feeling Types can report multiple feelings at any time and tend to reflect these emotions in their faces. Objective decisions, however, aren’t made out of emotions. The differences as to functionality in this thinking-feeling preferece lies in the situation at hand. Few of us want the pilot of an aircraft we’re occupying to “do what she feels” in a crisis situation. Sometimes you need to be more logical, sometimes you need to know–and express!–what you feel.
It might be helpful to specify what is actually a feeling and what is a thought. Opinions, assessments and statements of fact are more logically-oriented. Personal values and emotions are feelings. Just as you can’t “feel” the exact measurements of a room–most of us would need a ruler–you also can’t rationally determine your own personal reaction to a given situation. Except when we’re talking about chemistry or physics, reactions are generally emotional.
You have–and need–both cognition and feelings.
It is important to recognize, however, that you can’t “feel that” someone else is doing or saying anything. Anytime you say, “I feel that you …”, you’re not actually talking about your feelings. You feel your own emotions, no one else’s. You perceive others’ feelings sometimes, but you’d better take a cautious approach to interpreting these. Never tell someone else what they feel. You can guess, but you have no ground to argue.
Emotions are probably the biggest challenge in personal relationships. Learning to understand your own emotional responses and trying to understand others’ feelings will enable you to make your way successfully through many life situations. Most importantly, we all need a balance. Some challenges in relationshiops require us to be very rational and some situations call for emotional awareness. Learn to have access to both aspects of yourself and you’ll have a better life.