When I got a fun, new car, a friend asked me for to take him for a ride in it. I did this, but it simply didn’t occur to me to offer to let him drive. I’m like that sometimes–clueless. I loved that others enjoyed the car, but it just didn’t occur to me to ask him to take it for a spin.
There are things I just don’t do well. 1.) I don’t play sports. 2.) Being introverted, I don’t naturally mingle with large groups of people, although I’ve learned somewhat. 3). When facing decisions, I don’t generally think of the full range of options.
My spouse is great at all of these. Although he tells me he’s limited by not being taller, I’ve never known him not to be good at any sport he chose to play–and he plays pretty much everything. He’s out-going, mingling well with most groups and he excels at seeing options I never considered.
Truly, he’s really great at seeing options.
There are some things he’s good at and other things at which I excel. Roger’s not very organized in the typical sense of the word and he’s lousy at keeping track of important receipts. For this reason, I do the filing and we always spend one day of every year, organizing the garage together. It’s a ritual. This difference is very clear if you just consider the tops of our desks. True, mine is sometimes covered with neat stacks of paper, but you can always see the top of it.
His desk is a litter of papers which often spill over onto other flat surfaces and drift down to the floor. It’s a type of organization all his own. Actually, I don’t think he considers himself organized, at all. When he gets his hands on an important piece of paper, he quickly hands it to me.
The truth is…he’s better with me and I’m better with him. We balance each other out like kids on a teeter totter.
It is important to share values with your partner, but having different gifts and personalities can be strengthening. While you and your partner may have lots in common and may enjoy the same things, relationships need to make us better in some way. They need to bring out the best in you, even if you’re sometimes maddened by this.
It’s comforting to be around people who see the world the same way you do, it can work to keep your perspective narrow.
We all have our own perspective, our own ways of considering things. But we need to seek out other points-of-view and give them honest evaluation. I’ll be the first to say that this honest evaluation is sometimes annoying. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t see everything; I don’t know everything and I certainly don’t do everything in the best way.
Even though I want to throttle him sometimes, Roger gives me the benefit of a different perspective…and yet I know he both believes in me and wants the best for me, as I do for him. This makes it easier to hear the things I sometimes don’t want to hear.
I’m a better person because I’m with this mate. I think that’s what relationships can do for us.