Singles often claim to be searching for a mate they can trust. Someone who won’t disappoint them or let them down. This usually comes after being lied to and cheated on. Rather than trying to find a trustworthy lover, you might try putting some trust in yourself.
Bad, disappointing, frustrating relationships usually have warning signs at the very beginning and you just didn’t see them or didn’t want to see them. While no individual is perfect, the issues we face in relationship can usually be seen fairly quickly. Over and over, individuals on the brink of break-up or divorce admit that the problems were there from the start and they just didn’t want to see them.
In the beginning of relationships, individuals often have giddy lists of their lovers’ good qualities. As relationships progress, however, we often struggle with the nuts and bolts of long term love. Over time, the very qualities that enchanted you can become really annoying, even forming the foundation for betrayal and relationship disruption.
So how do you find the “good” man or woman? A mate who’ll always be faithful and loyal? Maybe the answer lies in yourself.
Some people claim they only attract the losers, the dates who steal from them or treat them badly. Time after time, they’re screwed over. There are, admittedly, some people in the world who’ve never liked to play by the rules. Sometimes, too, you might not be very clear in the rules of relationship that you consider important.
It’s not always easy to see it, but the truth is that you’re contributing to every bad relationship you have. You get to–have to–put at least fifty percent into every situation. This may not seem true in your case, but it is a reality. Because you always have the option to walk away–even really tough situations once had a moment when you could have walked away–you always have power in a relationship. You get to acquiese or refuse to be involved.
You may not always have the power to make it what you want it to be, but you have the power to change your experience. The most challenging aspect of relationships lies in our own struggle to see what we contribute and to get out when the situation calls for it. We tend to see what we want to see in relationships. The heart has very poor vision.
If you stumbled into a relationship while you were committed elsewhere–perhaps your lover was also married–you’re engaging in tremendous optimism to believe that the two of you won’t start looking around when there’s trouble in your own marriage.
Don’t expect loyalty from a guy who doesn’t pay his child support or who steals from his boss. No matter what the emotional situation, some commitments are unquestionable. If you think your lover will be different with you than with her last husband, you’re indulging in a sad optimism.
Don’t just search for someone you can trust. Learn to trust your own instincts and your own assessment…even of the people you like.