FACE YOUR FEAR

All of us have fears, things we really don’t want to happen. No matter how strong and positive you see yourself as or simply try to be, fear is a natural emotion and it can haunt your dreams and cripple your waking hours.

You may fear for loved ones–your children, your mate, your parents–or for yourself.

Therapists have seen a rise in the number of clients paralyzed by anxiety and fear. Some have full blown panic attacks and a number of these folks head first to emergency rooms, convinced they’re having a heart attack. More and more people take medication to cope with this gripping sense of dread and, let’s be honest, life can be pretty scary. Many have money issues and relationship issues and some just can’t get out of bed.

The frustrating thing about the most extreme version of this–anxiety disorders–is that the vise that grips most sufferers is a fear that they again will be consumed by fear. It sounds ironic and even silly to those not dealing with it, but this is no joke.

Even the garden-variety fears, those that don’t cripple you, can still have way too much power and trigger you to make choices you wouldn’t otherwise. This can be a factor in the education you pursue–fear of not making good enough grades, of not being good enough at a profession–leads many individuals to the jobs they fall back on. Some fear not making the grade and they they don’t go to school. Some when in school choose majors that they feel are less rigorous and more achievable.

Nothing wrong with deciding where you want to put your energy and where you don’t, but when the decision is based on your fear that you won’t succeed, well, that’s another matter. Sadly this is a factor in relationship choice, as well. How many of you are dating a fall-back? Someone less interesting or less attractive to you.

The fear of failing is a monster that consumes some of us and can paralyze an individual to the point of not trying. They live with the motto that not trying is less risky than trying and failing.

Not so.

If fear of failure haunts you, you need to address the reality that all of us fail. We all fall down, but the biggest failure is letting this control you. In learning to walk, the average toddler falls ten thousand times. 10,000 falls. No one would suggest, however, that the toddler just give it up.

The truth is that we will all lose loved ones to death and relationship failure. We’ll be fired or laid off. We’ll face romantic rejection after rejection. Life can be a bitch and accepting that reality helps us to see that it’s not just us that are messing up. Everyone does. Some are just better at hiding this.

I am the parent of two children. All through their childhood years, the elder was the most spectacular in her screw-ups and failures. The younger screwed up too, she was just less visible with her mistakes. External versus internal. Remember that when comparing yourself to others–some are just less visible.

We all fail. We all grapple with the complications of living in this world. It’s non-negotiable.

Most often the biggest achievements, the greatest accomplishments, are earned through our facing our biggest fears. Never let yourself think that courage isn’t in feeling no fear. Courage is in not being controlled by fears, in doing it anyway.

Although educational and career achievements often involve this kind of courage, relationships present the biggest opportunity for us to deal with our fears. Some of us fear losing and we therefore have power struggles that kill relationships. Some fear restrictions–wanting to always be free–and we resist committing to relationships because that requires shutting other doors. Some of us want certainty always, which isn’t achievable in this world.

Moving ahead despite fear brings us a greater sense of achievement, even if things don’t work out exactly the way we want.

Facing your fears can prove to you that you are strong, that you can handle difficult moments. Don’t think you’ll ever get to a place where you have no fear, just go ahead even though you’re frightened inside. Have some faith in yourself.