FEED THE MARRIAGE

Complacency is the enemy of committed relationships and it’s oh, so easy to fall into. Expecting life to go on as it has is understandable, but when you get too comfortable with your marriage, trouble is surely ahead.

Daily life can be consuming and deadening. There are bills to pay, jobs that demand a lot of you and sometimes kids to care for. You get into a routine. Even the “big” moments–birthdays, holidays and anniversaries–can become ho-hum. If you’re planning on the usual roses-delivered-to-the-office routine for Valentine’s Day, make sure this conveys an emotional significance to your loved one. Don’t just follow the regular pattern.

For some, Valentine’s Day is a rip-off designed by florists and greeting card companies. It has no real meaning for these folks, but there are many who enjoy a day of showing their caring to the one they love.

Marriage can be a slog, at times, but committed relationships have the power to bring the greatest joy and comfort to individuals. Just don’t forget that all relationships require care and feeding. You can’t just say “I do” at the alter or move in together and think everything is set. There are two aspects you need to be aware of–resolving the conflicts that arise and conveying your affection daily.

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, you need to act every day like this person matters to you. How you convey this is up to you, but it’s a good idea to ask your loved one what makes him or her feel loved. Don’t assume that you know and don’t think that what makes you glow is the same thing that works for your partner. You may be a sucker for long walks in the park and greeting cards with sappy love poems, but your mate might express him or herself differently. Ask. This kind of inquiry is never out-of-line and it shows your loving concern for the relationship.

When have you felt most loved by me? At what moment?

Be careful how you ask, though. If your question is challenging, aggressive or resentful, it won’t convey love. This must be asked in a spirit of interest. You’re trying to find the target, to discover the best way to tell the other person how you feel. Really listen to the answer. Then, incorporate this tidbit into your demonstrations of affection. Remember, your mate probably has very different ways of feeling loved than you do. If the subject is raised in an open manner, your partner will most likely ask you the same thing. You’re unique people. You each bring something different to the relationship. Different things are going to convey love to you.

Long-stemmed red roses really bring joy to some people and some individuals want this display on Valentine’s Day. If the cliche works for you, say it. Others feel loved when you do other actions–this can be many things. The options are widely varied. You might love roses; he might feel most loved when you go fishing with him.

Regardless of what flips your mate’s switch, you need to know it and you need to flip this frequently–not just once or twice a year–if you want to strengthen the relationship. Don’t feel like you have to give your mate everything he or she wants(this is real life, after all), but make an effort to do this occasionally.

Don’t fall into the assumption that you’ll be together always. That’s a lovely image, but a bad assumption. You can get too comfortable and forget to tell your beloved that he or she really adds to your life.

Act–every day–like this is the person you want to come home to. There are few guarantees when it comes to relationships. Don’t take yours for granted.