Blocked relationships are like clogged plumbing—the emotional stuff has to go somewhere. If you’re in a relationship with issues that have been unresolved for a long time, you’re vulnerable to falling into something with someone else. The longer your primary relationship goes unresolved, the more likely this is to happen.
Leaving an unhappy relationship can seem too jarring and too absolute, though. You probably swing back and forth between hope and frustration. One week everything is better and you hope that the two of you have gotten over your conflicts; the next week you’ll be having the same conflicts and running through the same arguments. But leaving seems very final.
After all, you love this person, even if you’re not in love anymore. You have history with her or him. You may share children and a legal tie of marriage. You shared some good times. And even if you get really, really mad at him now and get very tired of the arguments (or the chilly non-arguments), you don’t wish bad things on him. You don’t want him to die.
If the love is gone, though, you need to go.
If your emotional plumbing is blocked, you are more vulnerable to finding affection elsewhere. Developing feelings for a different someone is likely and this only makes your situation worse. You may think you can keep this all going and limp along till the children are older or your parents die(and won’t be upset at your divorce). You might think that what your mate doesn’t know won’t hurt her, but secrets have a way of leaking out. If you’re not in your relationship, you’re not in the relationship.
Even if you squeak by with something on the side, you’ll eventually be found out and, then things get really ugly.
Infidelity makes everything even more difficult for your current mate. Breaking up is always hard to do; it’s even harder when the one who has been committed to you, falls in love with someone else. Being cheated on sucks.
Not everyone with a dysfunctional relationship cheats, but too often this is the case. Even if you don’t get involved with a new person, staying in an unhappy relationship isn’t good for anyone.
Get help or get gone. You might possibly do both, but one way or the other, don’t just live in limbo. Don’t think you can deal with it until your children get older (unhappy relationships still effect kids) or try to get your jollies through work or friendships.
Bad relationships need to get better or they need to be put to rest. If you can’t resolve the issues on your own, get help. You deserve a happy life and so does your mate.