Relationships are hard. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If theirs isn’t hard now (and it probably is—they’re just lying), it will be eventually.
If yours is tough sometimes, It’s not just you.
The hardest of all relationships is a sneaky kind that looks really easy, in the beginning. You may feel like you speak the same language. You might feel like soul mates. You probably feel more understood by him than you’ve ever felt before.
Beware. Relationships built on similar personalities are the hardest kind and, in this case, harder doesn’t necessarily build character or make you a better person. Individuals who are similar in outlook or personality might be initially drawn to one another because there seems to be less conflict. If you don’t worry about money, you might feel more comfortable with a woman who doesn’t worry about money, either.
You might, on the other hand, want a mate who is never in debt, because debt is to you a sign of a weak character. You may be drawn to a man who doesn’t take crazy risks. He not only comes home every night, he comes home at the same time, likes eating dinner at the same time and has the same routine every night before he goes to bed.
Same can seem safe and secure. If you like routine, you might choose someone who doesn’t flirt with danger, someone who sees the world in the same way you do. Or you might want same in choosing someone who is as eager to live on the edge as you. Same can seem to be a kind of validation, but if a relationship doesn’t challenge you to see different perspectives, it’s not really good for you. At least, not when we’re talking personalities.
Choosing a mate who shares your same personality tendencies might short-change you. Differences, while irritating sometimes, also bring you into having to balance yourself. If you live on the edge, you might need someone hanging onto your hand and dragging you back. If you hide in your closet, you need someone adventurous and open to new things.
All this makes for conflict…which feels bad. But conflict in relationships—when worked through and resolved—is what makes us grow. Individuals who marry mates who share the same perspective are choosing to hide in the security of same. Doing thismight seem reasonable and comfortable, but it’s an attempt to avoid relationship conflict. While fighting with your mate isn’t fun, its functional. If you do it right, conflict can help you be a better person.
Relationships are like playing on the teeter totter. Both of you sitting on one side makes this a lot less fun. You need someone at the other end, balancing you out, pulling against you, making your life hell. Making you a better person.