I hear all the time that people want easy relationships. I get this, but I’ve never met a relationship that didn’t have conflict. We all hate relationship conflict (except for the release of yelling and the exciting make-up sex afterwards), but conflict in relationship has an important function. That being said, it’s often a tendency to find yourself coasting in your relationship. You can get to feeling too comfortable, too set for life.
Individuals don’t want to fight or argue with their mates; they’re tired of the tension. Who wants to fight with the person you’re sleeping next to?
So you coast. You get into the seductive mindset that we’ll be together always and you stop acting every day like you love your partner. This means forgetting to cherish his differences(although they sometimes make you crazy) and not putting much effort into acting like this guy matters a whole lot to you. Everyone who’s in a relationship can tell you their partner’s short-comings. These stand out and madden you all the time. I’m not saying that you need to act like your mate is perfect, but you’re with this guy for a reason. (If you’re only in the marriage for your children, you need to talk to a counselor immediately because no one’s happy.)
Coasting means just getting through each day and never dealing with the issues between you. Resolving issues can help you both feel strong and capable. Relationship conflict sucks, but working these out to everyone’s benefit makes you aware of your own capacities. YOU CAN DO AMAZING THINGS! Really. It feels that good. Not that you’ll always be 100% happy with the resolution, but that in the process of addressing problems, you’ll learn to see your partner’s point of view and learn to help him see yours. You’ll find workable options and feel closer in the process.
Coasting and not dealing with the problems allows these to fester and spring up to bite you in the tushie when you least expect it. It’s a bad thing to think you’ll be together forever because you stop working every day to convey to your loved one how important he is to you.
Even the strongest relationship doesn’t come with a guarantee. They can end and they do all the time. Look around you. A relationship is a living-breathing reflection of the two of you. It grows and develops as you do. Look for opportunities to show–and to tell–your mate how much he means to you. He needs to do this, too.
Relationships that work make us better people, but don’t expect this to be a breeze all the time.