Sometimes, dating sucks. The alternatives, however, are far worse. For those who aren’t in committed relationships, the choices are dating or social celibacy. While sometimes frustrating and, at other times, hilarious, dating offers a host of personal development opportunities, the primary one being the possibility of finding a mate.
We must acknowledge respect for the dating single. It takes a certain courage to willingly engage in being open to possibilities which can have a wide range. The really attractive guy you met at the grocery store maybe a wonderful man or he could be an intimacy-avoider, a control freak or a pedophile. There’s no way to tell until you know him a little better.
So with all those scary options, why date? Why not just be okay with being single?
While there may be some who disagree on the value of romantic relationships in general, research has shown that happy relationships enhance our personal and physical health. Individuals in successful relationships suffer fewer health problems and report greater personal contentment. Of course, a troubled marriage can add greatly to unhappiness.
Currently, individuals are racking up a greater number of marriages in trying to find one that meets personal expectations. There is among one group the tendency for a “starter” marriage. These first marriages are usually entered into very quickly and without the participants having any real knowledge of one another. More than anything, the quickie marriage exists to underscore the human desire for intimacy. Let’s just call it intimate and maybe it will be, we say about the jumped-into relationship.
The divorce statistics, however, give testimony to the challenges inherent in this intimate, fascinating human experience. Learning how to be in a healthy relationship can be frustrating, emotionally-demanding and, if you seek professional help, expensive. But it is fascinating and gripping and entrancing when you develop the skills to connect with someone you love. However, the process of finding this someone–one who’ll stay engaged in the process with you–can be difficult.
So, dating sucks. In the movie, Must Love Dogs, two intelligent, attractive singles struggle with loneliness and dating in this era. The heroine is appalled to find herself on a blind date with her own widowed father. Dating can be embarrassing and is probably best entered into with a strong sense of humor. It is, however, also fraught with intriguing and exciting possibilities.
Single individuals who don’t allow the active possibility of developing relationships have opted out. If you’ve been out of your last relationship long enough to gain some perspective on it, you might find yourself hesitant to jump back into the dating pool. While this may seem tempting–particularly after a string of really bad dates or really hurtful relationships–you can’t win the game if you don’t play.
So, let’s celebrate the dating single, the men and women who are risking their hearts and their Saturday nights in the effort to find compatible mates. Just opting out is losing out. You deserve better.