Not only is breaking up hard to do, it can be confusing and complicated. More and more, people don’t want an end that’s the end of a relationship. You can view this phenomena as a relationship evolving into something different, or maybe you just suck at resolution. Ending relationships is hard and who likes hard?
I’m not ‘in love’ with you anymore. Let’s just be ‘friends.’
To be honest, you want it all. You don’t want to be with her anymore, but you don’t want her completely out of your life. The problem is that the ‘all’ you want usually means way less than ‘all’ for your previous partner. It’s like taking away the cookie she’s enjoyed freely before and expecting her to be happy with a crumb.
We were sexually and emotionally intimate before, but I’d like to just ‘hang out’ occasionally. You know, I want to be friends.
Breaking-up is really hard to do. After all, he’s been in your life and there were moments with him that you enjoyed and valued. You’ve loved this person…and you’ve hated him. You may even have kids together. Probably, you don’t wish your departing mate would die. At least, not most of the time. But even if you see the relationship as no longer possible, you may not be comfortable with never seeing your old lover again. You want to hear from him, now and again, and learn how he’s doing.
Most of all, you don’t want her to be mad at you.
This is a “win win” in the relationship world. It’s like walking over and hitting a person and then expecting him to give you a hug. Action with no consequence. You smile and say, “I’m leaving you, but I still want to be your friend.”
What’s up with this? The really crazy thing is that the person who has been left can feel guilty for being mad! She doesn’t feel friendly towards you. Get a clue! You don’t get to act like a heel and expect to be told that it’s okay. Being left hurts like hell.
Relationships sometimes end, unavoidably. Staying together is what most people wish they could do, but an alarming percentage don’t. So, you break-up. This part is bad enough, but a growing number of individuals are dealing with the complexities of ending a relationship by not ending the relationship. They “stay friends.” This is usually the idea of the one who wants to end the relationship.
But is this fair? If you want out, you no longer want to be with intimate with this person. Still, you want the good feelings. You may have a hard time thinking about your previous partner disliking you. You’d like to believe she still likes you, even if you ended the relationship.
Do the hard thing. End the relationship and take the results. If he’s mad at you, it’s because you’re making the choice to walk away. You’re not giving him a say in the situation, you’re just going. And you have a perfect right to go, but don’t expect to remain “friends.” For one thing, it just confuses the heck out of the person you’re leaving. It gives false hope and, when it’s ripped away, hope hurts.
If you’re leaving, you’re not a friend. You’re an Ex.