NO PERFECT PARENTS

Don’t kid yourself, no one parents as well as they wish they did. Raising kids is one of the hardest things on this earth and when you put pressure on yourself to parent your kids without ever messing up, you’re being too harsh. And unrealistic.

You Weren’t Treated Well:

Most individuals–even if they appreciate the effort their parents put into raising them–most of us have moments when we felt our parents failed us. You probably excuse this because you don’t want to be too hard on them and you know they didn’t have it perfect either.

But do you give yourself the same leeway?

Individuals with particularly difficult childhoods often make a great effort not to do what their own parents did. Maybe your parents abandoned you in a basket outside a fire station, maybe they subjected you to abuse or neglect–either of these can leave you feeling both flawed(like their behavior was due to something about you) and determined to better by your kids.

You Want To Give It Everything You’ve Got:

Then again, you might have had okay parents. They had their difficult moments; they were human and flawed, but you’ve seen how you can do better. After all, you love your kids more than life. You’d do anything for them…you’ve probably sacrificed more than they’ll ever know.

Maybe Less-Than-Perfect-Parenting Helps The Kid:

Individuals need to know that screwing up is part of life. How better to learn this than to have a parent–who sometimes screwed up–pointing out to the kid that perfection isn’t achievable. If you’re wrestling with this yourself, you can’t very well help your kids deal appropriately with their mistakes. You have to forgive yourself and it’s easier when you’ve learned from the choices you wished you’d made differently. Don’t think you can always make the right decisions…just learn from the things you wouldn’t do again.

Outside of neglect and abuse, parents most often screw up not by what they don’t give their kids, but by doing too much. Rescuing your children from the consequences of their choices just robs them of learning opportunities. While it’s very difficult to watch someone you love dealing with difficult things, how can your kids learn they are capable of handling life if you’re always rushing in to do the heavy lifting? Let them learn. Let them feel their own power.

The more you allow your children to avoid conflict and only do the fun stuff, the more you’re weakening them. While it’s your job to provide housing, adequate clothing and a secure environment, you’re not responsible for making life easy. As a matter of fact, doing too much of this leaves your children unprepared for the realities of this world.

Let your kids face life (but don’t think this gives you an excuse to disconnect from and emotionally-abandon your kids). If you love them, love them. Be available. Believe in them. Let them screw up. Know they can do whatever they need to do. Accept that they don’t need you to rescue them.

Sometimes believing in a child’s capacities is the most important gift you can give. Be there–be an air bag, so they will survive their experiences–but don’t be their escape hatch.