Relationships add to your life. Insurance statistics say this–people who are married live longer, but living intimately with another human being is one of the hardest things we humans do. Really smart people have no edge here. Married or not, your partner gets the best…and the worst of you. This is in the nature of […]
Although some individuals seem to enjoy a competitive interaction with their mates, you need your partner to win sometimes. Some people work hard to win as many relationship arguments as they can, but this can backfire on you in a big way. If your partner always loses with you, she won’t want to be with […]
I get why people don’t come into counseling when they first have trouble in a relationship. It’s weird to sit down and talk to a complete stranger about very personal things…besides, you hope it’ll just go away. Relationships are complex and vital and, outside of parenting, they’re the hardest thing we do in this world. […]
You don’t mean to be defensive; you’re just trying to explain. In the middle of a relationship conflict, however, no one wants to be explained to. Communication in relationships is often complicated. The most frequent complaint I hear from clients is that their mate doesn’t listen. The partner, however, insists he listens. Who’s right? It […]
All couples have disagreements at times, but trouble starts brewing when these conflicts aren’t resolved. I mean, resolved so everyone feels understood and satisfied with the outcome. This means that both partners actually hear one another, paying attention to the concerns of both. Everyone comes out of these arguments feeling their issues were aired and seriously considered. […]
When clients sit in my office, explaining their relationship problems, I always ask about their communication and they always tell me that they listen well. I believe that they think they listen, but if their relationship partner is sitting in the session with them when I ask this question, they often shake their heads when I […]
Lots of people are looking for love and floundering around about what gives them the best shot at a satisfying, enduring love. After having several failed relationships, they often try to find a mate with whom they share preferences and opinions. This sadly can lead to even more relationship disaster.The trouble is that individuals get […]
I recently came across a comment that lots of professionals weigh in on why people stay with partners who batter, but not many discuss why batters batter.I’m not going to give you a diagnosis. These are offered up and folks latch on to them. Various labels are often thrown at each other in the manner of weapons. […]
For a long time I’ve been talking about the importance of listening to your partner. The urge is to explain your position and most people do this over and over because they don’t feel heard by the other person. On the other hand, your mate isn’t feeling heard either. So both of you keep repeating […]
Being around a grieving person can be really awkward. Whether this individual is mourning the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship, it can be hard to know what to say to him.Some people just flat out avoid individuals dealing with these kinds of losses. They may feel bad about doing […]